Jaelee Small . Memoirs

Thanks for listening and I hope you had the most wonderful day!

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Enjoy everything in your way xxx

...AND A HAPPY NEW YEAAAAAR!
I'm not sure if I told you but last year I spent 10 and a half months of my life stone cold sober. I then fell off the wagon and my return to drinking wasn't a successful one so now we are starting anew and I have stopped drinking and smoking again...and trying to lose weight. I must admit my body is going through a whole range of emotions. I battle on with my disciplines.

Hope you are persevering with whatever resolutions you decided on. If it was to not make any resolutions then high five. I think that will be my plan for next year. Let's see how it goes.

I will be posting some covers that mean a lot to me in the upcoming months and of course will be releasing my EP once and for all.

For those that believe in me. This is all for you.

I hope you like my version of Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. Been meaning to do it for a long time x

All Vocals - Jaelee Small 

Keys - Azzedine 

Mixed/Mastered -Superioraudio

Artwork - Doantrang

So why did I do such an open hashtag free post? (click on the pic or here to see me instapost)

Some might call it attention seeking... (silencing my negative chattery voice)

Here I shall rant and ramble.

I am very self critical. I question and they tend to be negative. I feel like i am misunderstood most of the time. Some of my friends are taken aback when I say that I am shy. The same friends that didn't realise that I was absolutely smashed out of my mind cell on my favourite booze.

The truth is I hide it well. I hide behind bars and only a very small few know about this. It's not me being rude. I just take a while to break down and allow trust to sink in. I am a good person with a lot of shitty faults that I would rather keep wrapped up. I don't mean to be rude.
I am getting better at it though.

My first instinct which gets on a lot of peoples tits is my fear of not being liked. I really don't think I have a lot of friends out there that genuinely like me. I can sing but when you take it away what am I?

If my voice is taken away, what am I? What could I do instead? I can't seem to find a plan b that I'm good at.
Am I an artist?

What's the point in making the effort if when they get to know you they won't like u anyway.I just didn't fit.
I'd love to know why. Am I that unlikeable? I wish I knew.

This is social anxiety and I am wearing the oversized T shirt.

And now I am sober i am more estranged. I can't even polish of a bottle of Malbec, a double brandy with no ice and a can of delicious scrumpy Jack as I'm trying to stick to sobriety. Booze free since Jan 1st by the way.

As the nights grow darker - I feel the pang inside me craving that hit at the back of my throat from a ciggy and a soothing glass of red plonk to warm me cockles as the nights grow colder.

What I do know is that I look at the above piccy and actually see a beautiful lady. One click
When I took my SouthEastern rail carriage selfie I felt like a bloated fatty. Too pale a foundation. Going to a place where I don't feel like I fit in. (Says the one with the Unicorn hair) Inside I am a unicorn. I know you are too.
I am also a bit embarrassed to reply to the beautiful comments that made me feel warm and fuzzy. Normally I would have removed the post but I will leave it be. Now I'm gonna work on believing them for myself. I want to change my mindset.

I suppose I am still on the long journey of self discovery. Luckily, this year has been pretty kind so far and my negative mind has lowered the volume.

Thanks AUNTY DEE.

I am not attention seeking. Just happy ranting to myself.
I can't even be bothered to reread. 
One click.
Post.
I feel a bit better now.

Currently listening to Scott Walker - Fetish.
 

So... I have been here three weeks and the end is almost nigh!!

INITIATE RAMBLINGS:

I am performing backing vocals with East meets West Dance Pop Band NO MAD KARMA at the official EXPO ASTANA 2017!

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD NO MAD KARMA'S PRESS RELEASE 

They merge traditional Kazakh sounds with Euro, thumping beats and it works well pretty nicely! very Exciting Times!

For the first time I am treated to a hotel luxury lifestyle with large rooms, double beds with back-straightening mattresses and Superman strength power showers!
In my current HOTEL ROOM there is a serious panoramic view and on the ground floor, a gym...steam rooms...pool...So yeah.... taking advantage of that yo! 
I feel like I am being treated to a birthday surprise. Feels good.

The above vid is just a few edited clips of my two week experience in Almaty.

It is a beautiful city with beautiful people inside it... and those wanting to scream "BORAT"..... there really is no need. It's fiction. Get over it x

What I loved in a nutshell was the wrinkled smiles, music in the air, the warming sense of community in the parks. I think what Ken Livingston did about ten years ago was bag up all dem Pigeons who resided at Trafalgar Square and sent them to Almaty where they lived happily ever after... #Feed the Birds...tuppence a bag...etc.

The flowing streams of mountain water called Aryks that feed the ground, provide cool air and calms the cluttered mind as you walk through their tree lined streets. Looking up at the glistening angels singing to you as the leaves play tricks with the light sky. The walks are plentiful and there is soooo much to see. To me everything is super clean with a strict emphasis on cleanliness! (The locals would disagree but I say come over to London, mate! #I❤️London).

OH... AND THE HEAT! I forgot what that felt like.
We all know Summer only lasts about 5 days max on top of the charter’d streets of London. I now know the difference between the weather I know ☔⛅ and how it's really done 🌞. 
In London, 32°C would be stifling, full of strangled complaints and Central line stink box armpits from Hell.

In Almaty, I didn't even notice it was that high. I have no idea what 40°C even means but I think I could handle it for a few minutes. It didn't get that hot but I know Almaty's capability! The heat felt good on my skin and I even got the arms out! HAHA! The breeze was a welcome distraction your honour.
I CAN BREATHE IN THIS AIR!!!!

Also - MY ALLERGIES WERE LEFT BEHIND IN LONDON - NOT ONE ANTIHISTAMINE, DRIBBLE NOSE OR ATCHHOOOOO! Unfortunately, I did get dribble butt through a persistent stomach bug! I am purged and ill free now.

So back to whats gwaaarning. 
This gig is a serious show. A Multi-Media Visual experience with background effects for each song and specific lighting cues. My face is going to be blown up on dem mahooooosive giant flat screen tellies! I'm going to have fun ducking and diving I tell ye!
We are also gracing the stage with my new buddies the TURAN ENSEMBLE BAND - Traditional Kazakh music right there - We are doing two of their incredible tunes and it is sounding ridiculous at rehearsal - Check this link on my INSTA!!!

I'm also excited to announce that I will be performing one of my original songs HOME too with the incredible Astana Royal Opera house Choir. These guys are fab and I even got a chance to look round their Auditorium where they where staging scenes for Madame Butterfly!! Such an honour man!!

What Have I Learnt?

1) My social anxiety does get the better of me no matter how hard I try to hide it.
2) No point in hiding depression and anxiety as you get found out eventually. Shame really.
3) I suck at being serious in front of cameras and being interviewed.
4) I'm terrible at being away from home
5) Absence makes the heart grow colder
6) I'm not entirely convinced I am likeable after first meeting. Strong paranoias on wanting to be liked.
7) I must go swimming more when I return home.
8) Some people will just never like you. Why bother wasting your tears on them? 
9) I really enjoyed my experience here - Almaty harbours such innocent and lustful beauty and Astana is a planet from the future. It's an exciting beautiful place with something for everybody! 
10) I've fallen in love with Kazakhstan, even started learning Russian and hopefully, you will have me back.

Anyways - all good things comes to an end. All the hard work and months of preparation will come to a close this WEDNESDAY 9th AUGUST with the ultimate Rock Show!
I'm coming home
x

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

https://instagram.com/p/BWsHimjjog1/So... as I type, I am onboard my flight to Kazakhstan with the following guys whom I am proud to call my close friends. Let's see how that fairs after three weeks in the brilliant heat! 

Reason why we are off to Kazakhstan is due to an international music side project that I am involved with cleverly named No Mad Karma. 

We'll be performing at the World Ecology Expo 2017 in Kazakhstan with our single ‘Mother Earth’ being the title song and theme. Exciting times. 

What is this project all about I hear you cry? 

NO MAD KARMA is a Kazakh-British musical project led by famous Kazakh composer Aidos Sagat , ("URKER") 

NO MAD KARMA and their epic creative team are as I type, preparing an innovative multimedia show for its performance within the framework of EXPO 2017. It is dedicated to "Future Energy" and, in general, the global responsibility of every person for the safety, purity and health of our planet. Big tings. 

Within the group are shit hot musicians with CV’s that bounce off the floor and slap you in the eyehole. 

Preston Heyman, Tim Cansfield, Yoyo Buys, Aidos Sagat and (super bendy) lead vocalist David Sye, who is also the cousin of the late great Amy Winehouse. I am providing sexy sultry backing vocals and can’t wait for the whole experience to unfold! 

I have also been asked to perform one of my original songs too! TOTALLY EXCITED about that. I shall be performing ‘Home’ with No Mad Karma backing me and… get this… a 12 PIECE KAZAKH CHOIR!!! YAYAYAYAY! 

Can’t wait to rehearse and share more stuff! 

Join me on my journey… 

On Monday 10th July, I nervously made my way to Fish Market studios in North West London to record my strings for my upcoming Debut EP.

It's nurtured my wee baby overnight and she's flowered into a fine sophisticated lady. One step closer to the end. Here is a clip x